Nobody likes to see their friends die, even if they are, strictly speaking, fictional people. By the time I reached the end of Mass Effect 2's epic space soap-opera, I genuinely didn't want to bid my crew goodbye.
It wasn't just about who'd survived the suicide mission, either - it was difficult to walk away from the universe, putting this world in stasis until the arrival of Mass Effect 3. Now that I've had more time to mull it over, though, I'm not sure I want everybody with me.
Mordin and Thane aren't going anywhere, and Garrus is my Shepard's BFF - but there's definitely scope for trimming dead wood. With this in mind, I'm seriously considering another cheeky play through to make sure the people below kick the bucket.
Jack
I don't want to make a big deal of this considering all of the torture you've been through, but honestly Jack, you're a bit of a nightmare. The crazy tattoos and shaved-head look is awkward to explain at formal dinners, and the murderous rage doesn't do much good either. I've heard rumours that hours of love and attention can stop you from acting like an absolute monster, but I'm really not sure why I should give you the time - you've offended half of my crew already, and I'm willing to bet you've got no taste in music. The only reason Jack died in my original suicide mission is because I didn't have a chance to get rid of her sooner. Every time I tapped the Renegade trigger I had my fingers crossed that this would finally be the moment. Shepard would put his hands on his hips, roll his eyes, and whack that muppet straight in the airlock.
Jacob
Sorry, chap. It's nothing personal, but you were always going to be one of the first to go. Jacob is the intergalactic equivalent of the acquaintance you chat to at the start of a party, waiting for someone you like to arrive. I hoped the incident with your cannibal dad might wake you up a bit, but the doctors say you'll be a dullard for life. I can't stand by the nibble table discussing TV all night, I've got solar systems to save, and multiple alien races to sleaze on. It's not that I actively dislike you or anything, I just genuinely can't remember anything you've ever said. There was something about Cerberus being naughty, I think. After that it's a bit of a blank. It seems that years of pointless small-talk have twisted me into the kind of man who thinks that boring people don't deserve to live. High five, anyone?
Miranda
Hey Miranda, just wanted to point something out to you, while you're lying there bleeding to death on the floor. If you go around telling everyone that you've been genetically designed to be the perfect woman, there's a slight chance that people will think you're an idiot. Maybe if you'd tried to blend in a bit more instead of showing off your skills and designer-derriere, the rest of the crew might have liked you more. I'm not saying that Tali and Samara let you get shot by the Reapers on purpose, but maybe they would have been watching your back more if you hadn't been such an arrogant numpty. Hell, maybe I wouldn't have sent you to lead the most dangerous part of the suicide mission, purely because I didn't care whether or not you survived! Anyway, I wouldn't let it get to you too much. You stay here, I'll have a quick look around to see if I can find your other leg.
16 comments so far...
T1403 on 10 Feb '12 said:
Ha, I never liked Jack, Ashley or Kaiden- there should've been a renegade "kill them both!" option! However, I am worried they will censor my surviving ME2 crew to minor roles- ideally I am hoping you have the option to bring on your old crew members from ME2 but only certain ones- Legion, Mordin(yes, I know its unlikely), Miranda (or Jacob, just for anti-cerberus aid) and even Thane/His son depending on Kepral Syndrome. Nice article.
sonicmark on 10 Feb '12 said:
Everytime you let a crew member die, Garrus does some callibrating
.
paulbrown23 on 10 Feb '12 said:
I can understand why most people don't like Miranda. She's cold and arrogant at first, but she became my favourite ME2 character once she opened up. I liked the whole "insecure under perfect exterior" thing and she's someone I try to keep in my squad at all times, so I hope she's still a squad member in ME3. I haven't read anything that says she will be though so it doesn't bode well. Might just have to settle for whatever role she has.
ipsofacto on 10 Feb '12 said:
hate tali because I deem her useless - couldn't even walk through a pipe and shut a door without dying. gladly offed her and miranda in my most recent playthrough which i was pretty happy with! so long as garrus, thane and mordin come back to me, i care for the rest very little. legion too, he (they) is cool
Caligulove on 11 Feb '12 said:
I'd pretty much agree with the entire list and from what I've heard so do most folks.
Jack... blahhh (nice eyes though)
Miranda... blahhh
Ashley/Kaiden... blahhh/blahhh
Jacob... blahhh f**king blahhh (seriously would have had more personality if he had Prof Hawings robo voice)
I'm sensing a trend here, Bioware seem to make excellent alien characters but remarkably dull human types. From what I've heard the new human crewmate, something Vega, doesn't sound like he's going to buck the trend either.
Also who would say their particularly fond of the default Shepard? I know I wouldn't be, I had to make a lot of tweaks at the start of ME1 to make him, then her, likeable.
Decent_Jam on 11 Feb '12 said:
Lol @ this, he never stops now I've helped him with Sidonis.
Personally I want to keep them alive for ME2 just so I've got as much cannon fodder as possible for ME3.
I did just let Samara's daughter kill her in my renegade playthrough though...oops...
sonicmark on 11 Feb '12 said:
In the case of Miranda, I actually prefered her over Ashley, she was 1000 times more appealing than Williams and actually had a proper gorgeous female voice, I liked the whole tough girl on the outside but soft on the inside role she had too (hehe, I'm comparing her to a conker
). My Shepard never bedded Ashley or Liara so he was kind of a virgin before he met Miranda, let's not forget that Miranda had the superior body over Ashley 
.
Unfortunately I kept all of my squadmates alive by the end of ME2, but if there was anyone I'd like to have killed off, it would definitely be Jacob, Kasumi and maybe Grunt, because he was rather mediocre compared to Wrex. I'd put Zaeed on here too but he had his uses when he was on my team, however he wasn't one of my faves.
falcon on 11 Feb '12 said:
I completely agree with you here. Although some of the humans can be useful in combat they're just not as likable as most of the aliens. I wasn't a huge fan of Grunt either though, so not all the aliens are perfect.
I'm quite tempted to playthrough 1 and 2 before march and kill off as many characters as possible. I've read that it's possible for Shepard to survive the suicide mission with just two squadmates, so I'll keep Garrus and Mordin. I know this may screw things up in Mass Effect 3, but it'll be quite interesting to see how things turn out. I may even go one step further and complete all important side quests by trying to get the worst possible outcomes. How hard can I make ME3 for myself?!
VillainofGotham on 11 Feb '12 said:
Everyone survived on my first playthrough, but I'm gonna play it again soon and probably have some of them killed off (just for the drama, see). I'm absolutely determined to keep Legion, Tali, Garrus, Mordin and Thane; I'm gonna try to keep the others alive as well, which should be easy enough, but I just don't like Jack, so she may or may not get "accidentally" put in a completely unsuitable role on the suicide mission.
msbhvn on 11 Feb '12 said:
Agree that Jacob was boring, but my female Shepard had to sleep with him because she gets off on ordering her subordinates into bed. Also, Garrus or Thane as love interests for femShep? Ick.
Jack really annoyed me, just because you had a horrible childhood doesn't mean you have to be such a bitch, just ask Oprah. Thane is one of those characters I just can't summon any liking for, the whole terminally ill assassin thing is a lame attempt at irony, and not an original one at that. I find Grunt to be really boring too, and one genetic engineering reference too many, but he's useful so I'll let it slide.
I liked Miranda, even though she was another cliché, but that's probably because I like ice queens. BioWare did a fantastic job of modeling Yvonne Strahovski's face, as well.
CunningSmile on 13 Feb '12 said:
I've managed to keep everyone alive across both games except Ashley (I don't miss the xenophobic no-chin woman at all) but the one I'm happiest about is Mordin. Have to admit I fell in love a little bit the first time I heard him sing Gilbert and Sullivan as it's just the most random piece of character development and as it's the kind of stuff you only get in the real world it just made the whole franchise seem more real.
And I really hope we don't have Jacob and Vega in the same room at any point in ME3. The sheer blandness will reach critical mass and the whole Universe will possibly collapse into a quantum singularity.
Bezza89 on 13 Feb '12 said:
I reckon Vegas arrival is Jacobs departure from the normandy, he'll be a supporting character on Ilium or what not. They know he's a douche, but my oh my is he pixel man... he's the most real looking character!
CunningSmile on 13 Feb '12 said:
He does look very impressive when standing there but they never seem to get his mouth to work properly so any suspension of disbelief goes out the window as soon as he talks. His jaw moves like someone who just came from the dentist and is heavily numbed AND still has the wadding left in.
sonicmark on 14 Feb '12 said:
I feel a meme coming on XD.
ATATCCU on 15 Feb '12 said:
Miranda's arse was an eyesore and offputting. Far too many thoughts of the shagging kind intruded when I really should've been paying attention to what she was saying. Will she be back in three...for me.....If she is then she'll damn well wear a mini, with a slash up both sides naturally!
TigusVidiks on 19 Feb '12 said:
Jack I don't like, Jacob I don't care, Kaidan gets on my nerves, Ashley is annoying. Miranda is ok, Tali is dull. The rest are cool.