It might be the grandest, best-scored game of last year, but that doesn't mean we can't juxtapose it with wobbly sex prosthetics and a bellowing space skull. Say a big "welcome back" to the OXM Breakdown, the most inappropriate video series ever, and give a rousing and slightly NSFW "hard luck old chap" to The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim, Log's latest victim.
It's not just about Skyrim, actually - in order to properly disgrace the game, Log has to delve back through the mists of gaming history. Don't adjust your screen resolution, and don't spend lunch away from your computer on 3rd February, as that's when the next Breakdown hits. Its unfortunate star: Final Fantasy. We plan to run these every fortnight from now on, as opposed to every month - or, indeed every two months. Sorry for the wait.
A warning - there is some mildy NSFW stuff in there, so be sure there are no innocent children or maiden aunts present before watching.
Games we've broken down include Driver: San Francisco and UFC Personal Trainer. Relive their finest hours, why don't you.
For more Skyrim japes, consider the 15 most annoying NPC quotes, our series on how to be a complete bastard in Skyrim, our essential list of 19 things to do in Skyrim or just flick through some of our Skyrim Stories.
11 comments so far...
SidTheSloth on 20 Jan '12 said:
Brilliant, hilarious, occasionally (frequently) disturbing and so so true - love it, keep these coming, i even think it shades the Driver one for hilarity!
Decent_Jam on 20 Jan '12 said:
You're right, they SHOULD get them on Inside Xbox
Plamsa wing on 20 Jan '12 said:
Four mintues well spent, that was bloody brilliant. It's just a shame that it wasn't "infinite and forever".
danhalen74 on 20 Jan '12 said:
hehehehehehehehehehe marvellous work, i just watched the driver and ufc ones too, these are genius. more please.
STE MO on 20 Jan '12 said:
That was brilliant and yet so true. More of the same please.
Which reminds me have you heard the story of Mathieu Bellamont?
msbhvn on 21 Jan '12 said:
"The only thing you've ever bought was a two quid cock ring and you're wearing that on your f***ing wrist!"
Unfortunately, my wrists actually are that tiny.
The thing that bugs me most about Skyrim's repetitive dialogue is that there are four whole gigabytes of empty disc for them to have put more in. But no, every guard has to have taken an arrow to the knee or has a cousin off fighting dragons, and that annoying cow in Whiterun's alchemy shop won't shut up with the same five phrases while you make 99 health potions that only fill your health bar half-way because your Alchemy skill is 2.
That's why I found Barbas refreshing, but also because he sounded like Max from Hart to Hart. Shame he didn't send you off to do a "moidah". (BTW, I only saw the repeats, I'm not that bloody old.)
So I agree, how dare they give us such an expansive and absorbing experience and not make it infinite and forever? Maybe "infinite and forever" will be in patch 1.5?
CunningSmile on 23 Jan '12 said:
If you liked Barbas check out a film from the '80s called A Boy and His Dog. It's available to stream on Lovefilm if all else fails. It's about a man in a post apocalypse world travelling across America with his sarcastic telepathic dog (sound familiar?) Someone at Bethesda is obviously a fan as there are small references to it in Fallout 3 as well.
comabob on 23 Jan '12 said:
Was it a telepathic dog though? I thought it was in Don Johnsons head that his dog was talking to him...
Clanger67 on 23 Jan '12 said:
Very funny indeed,What i remember about arcades in the eighties was the bloody pinball machines repeating the same sentence over and over.And some thing called Gorf i think it was asking you to "INSERT COIN,I DEVOUR COINS".
OXM Log on 23 Jan '12 said:
Oh, wow. I'd totally forgotten Gorf. That speech was incoherent. It was like a teething baby robot.
I still get chills remembering the time I'd walk past Sinistar, trying to work out if it actually knew I was there. I was young/stupid/vain enough to believe it might have singled me out because it liked me.
(Also: thanks for the kind words about the video.)
comabob on 23 Jan '12 said:
kudos +1 for the Tommy Wiseau nod as well!
no sure if many others will get it though (or would have sat through The Room)
"your tearing me apart lisa!!!"
