We've already told you what we want in our Skyrim DLC packs, but sometimes the best tactic isn't to ask what your country can do for you, nor even what you can do for it, but to ask what it can't do for you. If you're considering putting the following up for download, Bethesda, think again.
1. Horse Armour
Got to get this out of the way first, or some internet comedian will teleport into the comments, lay down those magic two words with intense satisfaction and depart, never to post here again. It goes without saying, Bethesda, that Oblivion's most infamous "expansion pack" isn't a trick we care to see repeated (though apparently some do), even if you get the price right. The emotional trauma runs too deep. Shame, really, because Skyrim's nags could probably do with a few extra layers.
2. Draugr tombs
Draugr tombs are as common as barrels of apples in Skyrim (more on those apples in a moment). And while no individual tomb is quite like its fellows, there's only so many times you can wheel out the same zombie-you-thought-was-dead, spinning-icon-puzzle and pool-of-flammable-gloop gambits without reducing participating brains to temperamental porridge. We'll take anything, Bethesda. We'll even take a water temple, or a lava level. Speaking of which - Vvardenfell's meant to be nice this time of year, right?
3. Dragons
When we first got our hands on Skyrim, we thought dragons were majestic beasts, ancient beyond ancient, privy to divine knowledge and a vocabulary manifest in gouts of flame and ice. Then we played some more, and came to think of them as an unholy pestilence, jealous of Man's fragile pre-eminence among sentient beings, intent on depossessing him with tooth and claw. And then we played even more, broke the 50 hour barrier and realised what dragons really are: trolls. No, not the hairy, health-regenerating kind.
Save for when they pop up during Skyrim's story, dragons serve one purpose and one purpose alone: to derail your progress through the world, miring you in brawls. Fun brawls, admittedly, but distractions nonetheless. Even in death they nag at you, weighting you down with lumps of bone and scale - too valuable to throw away, especially if you want that tasty endgame armour. Fiends. A downloadable encore could well be the hundred kilo straw that breaks the over-encumbered Argonian's back.
4. Cooking ingredients
Cooking is without doubt the most pointless mechanic in Skyrim. It's Alchemy with a fraction of the benefits, and to do it properly you're obliged to lug around hundreds of red apples, mammoth tusks, potatoes and so forth. What fascinating varieties of stew can Bethesda dream up next? We don't know. We don't care. Flesh out the enchanting system instead.
5. Bears
Bears are like dragons, only harder to spot. Particularly when they're asleep. Once roused, they have two settings (1) stand up and throw a tantrum and (2) run teeth first into anything with a pulse. Matt's tale of bear-killing has more. Enough please.
36 comments so far...
Rewave Acid on 13 Dec '11 said:
I feel like you wrote No.7 with Operation Anchorage in mind, then quickly realised that that is the only piece of DLC bethesda has ever done that resets anything at all, but threw it in there anyway. All 4 other pieces of DLC, along with Shivering Isles for Oblivion, didn't do anything of the sort, which is why OA was so critically acclaimed for providing something different, with it's visual variety and exciting one-off mission. Not really a thing that you can say you don't want in a game...
kronk10 on 13 Dec '11 said:
I would like to see a few more enemies as killing that 100th bear can get samey but the dragons i love fighting and i do agree they do seem more like rogue bullys, not the amazing age old killing machines they should be! I would love some new different weapons and armour and more different tombs, dungeons etc An example of different weapons are the daedric weapons you get for doing the daedric cult quests there are some brilliant looking weapon rewards for completeing those quests but there could be more?
CunningSmile on 13 Dec '11 said:
It may not happen much with Bethesda DLC but is a cliche with every other game going. I think Ed is probably just getting the point across it's never fun so Bethesda should stick with what they do better than almost any other developer; decent DLC.
And I seem to remember OA being panned on release, mostly for focusing on combat which was probably the weakest aspect of Fallout 3.
OXM ETboy on 13 Dec '11 said:
Don't forget Dead Money and the Pitt - you lose your kit in both, if I remember correctly, though only temporarily in the latter.
Phyrros13 on 13 Dec '11 said:
Great list,
One thing I DO want as DLC is the ability to smith arrows! I love running around with my legendary daedric bow but it gets annoying that i cannot make my own arrows rather than relying on what i can find/buy!
Rewave Acid on 13 Dec '11 said:
Dead money was Obsidian I believe, and you're right CunningSmile, I was mixing it up with Broken Steel reviews-wise
whelly1985 on 13 Dec '11 said:
good shout, i also found it odd that you could make armour and weapons but not arrows think this would be a good idea, i would like to be able to make dragon weapons and arrows- seeing as ive made both heavy and light armour dragon armour, would make sense as you can make every other weapon
comabob on 13 Dec '11 said:
I dont want to kill any more Draugr, Bandits, Mages or Skeletons.
bamozzy on 13 Dec '11 said:
I would like the ability to control the Dragons and even become a Dragon Rider - Much better than trying to kill them and a better way to travel too.
Ninja Squirrel on 14 Dec '11 said:
Going somewhere we've already been so morrowind etc lets go somewhere new High Rock or Revive the Orc homeland something cool
EdDeRs1 on 14 Dec '11 said:
i dont fully agree with what you said about Dauger tombs, i say if they give us new puzzles and chalenges than all the better, but not if its the spin the wheel one again...
Joe90_Remy700 on 14 Dec '11 said:
yes, yes and yes a million times over!
Topjag112 on 15 Dec '11 said:
I want my Damn Athletics and Acrobatics back! Oh and Unarmed!
OXM Jonty on 15 Dec '11 said:
I need to get involved with the epic bow scene. I've just got a slightly enchanted glass thing at the moment, and I've just realised I'm using it more than any other weapon in the game.
ATATCCU on 15 Dec '11 said:
Those wolves, either get them organised into a proper attack group or remove them from the landscape. Why not have them shadow matey boy with the horned helmet and forage from his kills in the world, as they would in the real world. A howl and a growl just makes me draw my trusty Luger and sigh 'here I go again, more wolf pelts to not bother with. And on that note, why do some wolves carry gold coins or silver rings around with them. Have they even got pockets, don't think so!
Furie on 17 Dec '11 said:
Something I don't want to see is another land that takes an age to load whenever you go there. There is enough life in Skyrim and enough unused characters and groups to set a few more stories there easily. If each new story bought new events to find in the world and extended functionality to the game (new smithiing recipes, creatures, things to do with a spouse, etc) then I'd happily pay for it.
bwasmer on 18 Dec '11 said:
PEOPLE, WTF!?!?!?!? Dragons are the only damn reason why Skyrim was sooooooo effin anticipated! Really? Bears and bandits and all those are the effin reason why Skyrim isn't so damn dull all the time. take out shit, WTF is DC for if you take out shit? THERE WILL BE NO POINT TO PAY FOR IT! NO ONE WOULD PAY!!!! God I've been a loyal Xbox'er but you take away the damn Dragons, and the bears and shit;why would you take them away!?!?!? and the damn character change, why not? why not keep that? seriously? The damn weapons need to be both MORE INTERESTING, and MORE POWERFUL! cooking is something that you will probably will never use but when you have the ability to use it it makes you feel like you have power
WHY THE HELL BRAKE DOWN A GREAT GAME WHEN IT'S ALREADY AMAZING! WHAT'S THE NEXT DAMN THING YOU WANT GONE? MAGIC? YOU WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY DAMN DUEL WIELDING? MY GOD I AM STARTING TO WONDER WHO IS MAKING THESE COMMENTS! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THIS!? LET THEM ADD, DON'T TAKE AWAY!
sincerely,
Bwasmer of Xbox live. (not on all the time but i still have one)
kronk10 on 19 Dec '11 said:
wow you really enjoy the caps lock dont you ! there was a seperate feature on what we do want and this feature is just for fun on what we dont want in a DLC. Skyrim is a brilliant game but not without its flaws nothing can be perfect but that does not mean i cannot complain about or discuss the things i dont want! Take a chill pill and see the fun in the feature someone has allready said no HORSE ARMOUR we dont want that we really dont
Arizen on 19 Dec '11 said:
I would like to see breakable barrels and boxes. pools of blood surrounding the slain. playable daedric characters. the return of the Dwemer. What else ???
Maverick_McCool on 19 Dec '11 said:
And the idiot of the week award goes to..........
kronk10 on 20 Dec '11 said:
Gotta be a troll
pokemainiac on 28 Dec '11 said:
I think you'll find it's "Tamrielic".
thekatana2012 on 2 Jan '12 said:
It's most likely that you didn't play Dead Money and the Pitt then. Operation Anchorage wasn't the only DLC to strip players of their gear; DLC stripping away gear and abilities was what the author was talking about. Learn to read carefully.
Bezza89 on 2 Jan '12 said:
Well, actually that was done by Obsidian... which also did Honest Hearts and Old World Blues, also ones where you lose your kit (OWB I don't remember very well, but I'm sure something similar happens). Anyway I think it's a safe bet that Bethesda wont strip the gear having only done it one and a half times out of MANY dlcs.
Deathspeaker on 3 Jan '12 said:
Neither Honest hearts, nor Old world blues stripped players from their kit. Honest hearts restricted the amount of gear you could bring back into the valley of zion by about 75 pounds with a speech check. This was an advisable thing to do either way, since you were certain to be stacking up new gear. Notably not anybody here seems to have played named DLC's, and are complaining massively about them. I, myself look to Dead Mon(K)ey as the best of them, as you were placed in a less-sandboxy-enviroment than the other ones provided, as you could not ream free and lol about. But I guess that's just me, who likes storydriven content from time to time, instead of "Kill X giant at Y coordination"
Bezza89 on 3 Jan '12 said:
I didn't say stripped I said lose, I went in with a gun and some clothes as I didn't speech check and play on Hardcore where ammo has weight. Old World Blues you lose your brain, spine and heart, I assumed you lost other stuff as well but wasn't sure - in both scenarios you are fighting to get back (or to your stuff) rather than exploring a new area with all your bells and whistles like in Bethesdas Shivering Isles and all of oblivion dlc, Point Lookout, Broken Steel.
Story driven content doesn't have to mean linear and restricted, bethesda prove this.
Sugarballs on 3 Jan '12 said:
Why do forums always turn into a pissing contest of who knows more about what game and when and by whom. Who cares.
getting back on track..
SKYRIM.......
Combat effects could be raised to the next level I think. For example; Archery...
Lets us pin enemies to walls with our beefed up skill, not just send them flying like rag dolls. I would love to retrace my steps in any dungeon and find some of my victims hung up, rather than just laying about. Explosive tips? Sure. That would definitely kick ass. Imagine shooting an arrow with a "Fireball" effect on impact. Multi-arrow? Cant think of a reason why not. If Robin Hood can do it, Dragonborn can do it. Archery is way too col to be limited to a slow-time and zoom ability alone. And yes.... LET ME SMITH ARROWS.
While this might be better suited for a typical update and not DLC, this are the kind of things that will keep people happy while playing thru all of the original content.
And there really should be some sort of gatling-fire ability for dual destruction spells. When enemies are in flight or dragons are swooping at you... I just want to mow them down. Thats all
And I say Thank You Bethesda. Skyrim kicks ass
Bezza89 on 3 Jan '12 said:
That wasn't my intention, we're just predicting what the next dlc will be like, and the stripping of kit is unlikely because my recollection of previous stuff suggests it's a different developer who do it.
Geekyswede on 4 Jan '12 said:
But would a DLC that just involves new items/NPC/Quests/Creatures really be fun?
I would get real bored pretty fast if i didn't have any new areas to go to and explorer,
Look at the Oblivion DLC, which was more fun, Shivering Isles or Knights of the nine? Shivering Isles because it was a combination of a huge new area to play in and new creatuers, npc's, new quests, new items and so on and so fourth.
Joe90_Remy700 on 5 Jan '12 said:
nope. just american...
i would love to see some new and unteresting landscape. doesn't have to be big but just epic (dont get me wrong, skyrim defines epicness and i haven't seen half of it) but the dlc should have a hefty new area. also new enemies. most things become far too easy to kill. 3x damage when sneaking with a bow that kicks out over 70pts plus 12 fire damage on impact. can kill alot of big mo' fo's with a few shots without ever being seen
krilage on 12 Feb '12 said:
i want to be able to craft dragon weapons and arrows . also bring in some more guilds new fighter , mage , assassin ect, ect. . the knight of the nine was a damn good dlc shivering was too so do somthing like that . there is this group of knight or hunters that are hunting daedra fallowers go with that .... we just need more to do and for the love of god let us enchant detect life on a ring or helm it would let us have more fun also bring back the grey fox might be cool
LJRobertshaw on 12 Feb '12 said:
QUICKER LOAD SCREENS! I'd rather the game take 5 minutes to load at the start than 30 seconds everytime i open a damn door!
krisskross on 14 Feb '12 said:
Are there actually any decent quests in Skyrim?
I've played it alot but it is not a patch on Oblivion city wise, people wise and quests wise. Sort that out Bethesda then get back to me! unless I'm just missing something?
popad099 on 20 Feb '12 said:
Im sorry but this article was idiodic. Why in the world would they only add bears and dragons as a DLC and if it is something that is just mixed in with a much larger DLC then who cares. The same goes for cooking ingredients, there is no way in hell they would make a DLC that just ads new meals so if it is just something included then who cares? Also, i personally think that they should take your gear away in a new DLC to make it more difficult, if you have legendary deadric armor and the best weapons nothing in the game is a challenge even on master difficulty. And why no horse armor? Todd Howard said himself that the DLC's are going to be much bigger then that of fallout 3's (which were great btw) so if horse armor is just an extra with a DLC then who gives a flying f**k?
CunningSmile on 21 Feb '12 said:
You're an angry person aren't you?
And just because Beth have said the DLC will be big doesn't mean it will be. Things change. And there is a long track record of DLC in other games that do just add extra meals, extra clothing and the occassional extra animal so it's not unreasonable to say that we don't want to be similarly jipped.
Clanger67 on 21 Feb '12 said:
I think bethesda give good value with their dlc most of the time.I thought so with oblivion,shivering isles is like a whole other game.I know everybody goes on about the horse armour but you didn't have to get it.And i tended to run around mostly to get my stats. up faster.